how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
