Barsexuality is the new black.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
