he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
