I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
