I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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