i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize