so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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