U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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