I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
