It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize