Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
