How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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