I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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