South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
