I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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