dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Found the puke drawer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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