Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
