I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
