I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
