I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
