This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's the barista slut.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
