I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
