Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
