...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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