you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
