Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
