Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
