the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
