he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
