FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
