absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
youre lurking in front of me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
