Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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