I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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