She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
