I think I won the penis lottery.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
