East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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