i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
