All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
