I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
