a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
