I'm drive I can fine osifer
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
