It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
