OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
