I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
