my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
