my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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