i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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