honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
