her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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