ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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