I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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