Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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