it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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