dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
