even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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