I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
