i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
