I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
