Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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