can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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