You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
