My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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