I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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