chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
