i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
