He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
