My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
